Developing Leadership Skills: 7 Ways Being a Parent Can Help
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about parenting and leadership.
Leading a business and parenting are often placed in opposition. How can you excel at one without underperforming in the other? And although it’s challenging, both roles require highly complementary skill sets.
So, I’m wondering, could the experience of parenting actually provide a leadership super power?
Through a bit of soul searching and self-reflection on my parenting wins and losses, I’ve come up with 7 ways I think being a parent may have actually made me a more effective leader.
1. Being Totally Present
I’ve realised that at times I haven’t always been totally in the moment with my kids.
My children are usually very focused on what they’re doing, they’re not thinking about thirty different things simultaneously. Therefore, they tend to notice if I am! And like most kids, they’re pretty intolerant when I’m distracted from what’s important to them.
They’ve taught me how we can have very different experiences and a more fruitful relationship when I’m wholeheartedly with them.
So that got me thinking, that’s the situation in parenting, but it’s also relevant in leadership.
The discipline of being present and actively listening to what’s being said without distraction and interruption is an important leadership trait that we all should work on.
Being a parent has also made me more likely to notice and call out when others aren’t listening because you have to do that with children all the time!
2. Maintaining Boundaries Between Work and Home Life
Who hasn’t struggled with this recently? Let’s face it, the lines have become more blurred than ever during the pandemic as a result of working and schooling in the same place. Family life has never been so claustrophobic!
Pre-lockdown, it was totally different, I’d set aside a chunk of time to get something done and that would be it.
Now life is returning to some sense of normality, we probably need to start thinking about how we reinstate some boundaries.
I’m trying to segment my day more and be more single minded – which is not easy and takes real effort!
I’m also trying to be kinder to myself – something we should ALL be doing! Let’s stop beating ourselves up if we don’t end up doing that piece of work at a particular point because of unavoidable distractions.
Children are brilliant levellers. No matter what you’ve been working on or stressing about during the day - they don’t really care! Try to embrace that point of view and cut yourself some slack.
3. Being More Purposeful
Being a parent means that literally anything can happen at any given moment that can derail your day or even your week – if you’re the leader of a business, you may recognise this sentiment!
Things go wrong – that’s life!
My daughter recently sprained her ankle and suddenly what I’d planned to do that week had to be completely re-shaped to accommodate caring for her and handling all the necessary implications of her injury - such as cancelling activities and liaising with school.
As I struggled to fit everything in that week, I realised that I need to be more purposeful.
It’s about differentiating between what really matters and what doesn’t. Part of being purposeful is prioritising and being organised. But it’s also about making the necessary transactional tasks as efficient and distraction free as possible - the jobs that you don’t enjoy but that need to be done.
4. Having Perspective & Being Pragmatic
Let go of perfectionism - what’s ‘good enough’ is just fine!
I actively preach this to my kids, but letting go myself has been a hard lesson learnt. If I’m honest, I’m not sure I’ve yet mastered it.
Parents tend to discover quite quickly that striving for perfection as a parent is actually a waste of time, energy and effort! We could all do with transferring that learning to the world of work!
5. Focusing on the bigger picture
Try to work out what matters and what doesn’t.
Parents are naturally great at this as they have no choice but to prioritise the really important stuff like their child’s wellbeing and safety.
It would be great if we could apply that skill so easily in our leadership roles.
Unfortunately, it’s easy to get hung up on what makes the most ‘noise’, when what we actually need to do is to take a step back and ask: “What’s really happening here? Is it something I need to get involved in and address?”
I’ve reflected on this a lot recently as one of my kids was being bullied at school. I had to work out the best way to support her.
My first instinct was to help her to cope and manage the situation herself. I wanted to give her the tools and support she needed to handle it as this is an important life skill. Deciding when it was necessary to get involved and step in was a tricky decision.
And that’s something I know is mirrored in the leadership world. Knowing when to intervene and when to support from the sidelines. Ultimately, by helping our teams to cope with difficulties themselves, although it might take longer, it can be better for the development of our staff. They need us to help them feel empowered and supported to build their own capabilities and communication skills to deal with adversity.
6. Learning through feedback
Kids will always give you the most honest feedback in the world! Whether it’s about your cooking, your hairstyle or your acting skills when reading stories out loud!
But listening to the message in it and responding has taught me a few things.
We all need to be a bit more humble, and accept that we’re not always right.
Being a good leader at work is no different.
You have to role model the behaviours you expect to see in your team members – such as self-belief, self-reflection and being open to feedback from others.
7. The Importance of Psychological Safety
I feel I’m more tuned in to what this is and how to create it for people than ever before.
Because I want my kids to feel safe in all situations and new environments, I’ve tuned in to what helps them to feel safe psychologically. Whilst also recognising you sometimes have to push them outside of their comfort zone.
I try to use these soft skills when approaching my work and in my leadership style.
When I create peer groups, I’ve learned how to help my clients to build trust and confidence quickly at the beginning.
That need to feel psychologically safe is necessary at any age in order to thrive.
Discover what if…
...you had a truly ‘ambidextrous’ business by being able to balance the big picture with the here and now and easily flip between the two?
...your business was able to flex, make quick decisions and be fleet of foot?
...you had the external, independent support to help you to recognise the strengths and positives in what you’re doing?
...you were able to provide transparent, clear and frequent communication with your staff that’s clear about where you are, what’s next, what you’re focused on and what you need from your team?
...you’re more open to collaboration and ready to display empathy, compassion and make sure those around you are doing ok?
Meet Kate Fletcher
I have 25 years’ experience transforming businesses, including as Commercial Director on the Board of a FTSE250 company. I’ve worked closely with over 150 Chairmen & women, CEO’s and senior executives.
I work with CEO’s, Boards, Leaders & their organisations. I work with clients 1-2-1 & as a group.
Working with me provides a different perspective & the benefit of a collective wisdom from others in the same boat.
Beyond work I’ve inspired & led winning teams, having sailed around the world & played national hockey. As a mum to two children, I also understand the reality of balancing family & career.
You can stay connected with me via LinkedIn or email me to arrange an exploratory conversation.
